How to Write a Wedding Speech Guests Will Actually Want to Listen To

We’ve all sat through that wedding speech.The one where druncle John drones on about one half of the couple, thanks everyone twice, reads a list of names, and tells a sexist joke that lands with the thud of a wet cake. So here are some tips on how to write a wedding speech that guests will actually want to listen to!

Renee the Celebrant & MC is making a speech!

Guests deserve better. And so does the couple you’re speaking about.

Whether you’re the bestie, sibling, or a proud parent, your speech should do three things:

✨ Celebrate the couple✨ Keep people entertained✨ Sound like you

So, how do you avoid stock-standard “Ladies and gentlemen, it is such an honour…” snooze-fest!!!

Here’s how to get started.

1. Start with Heart (but skip the clichés)

Open with something personal, not a generic line. Instead of “We’re all gathered here today to celebrate love” (we already know that), try something like:

• “When I first met [Name], they were attempting to cook pasta in a kettle…”

• “I knew [Name] was in love when they started answering texts in under five minutes instead of five business days.”

A quirky detail or funny observation immediately hooks your listeners.

2. Tell Stories, Not Stats

Don’t list their achievements or repeat what everyone else knows. Stories are what stick. Think of one or two moments that show the couple’s personalities:

• A disaster date that turned into a great story.

• The moment you realised they were a perfect match.

• How they balance each other (e.g., one’s a chaos tornado, the other’s a spreadsheet in human form).

Stories = smiles, laughter, happy tears.

3. Keep It Short and Sweet

Aim for 3–5 minutes. Any longer and you risk losing the crowd to the bar queue.Think of it as the Instagram Reel version of your feelings, not a Netflix docuseries.

4. Toast with Meaning (not a Google cliché)

Instead of ending with “May you always be as happy as you are today,” craft a toast that reflects them.

• If they’re foodies: “Here’s to a love spicier than chilli oil and sweeter than tiramisu.”

• If they love travel: “Here’s to the best adventure yet.”

• If they’re homebodies: “Here’s to years of Netflix arguments and perfectly brewed cups of tea.”

5. Speak Like Yourself

The best speeches sound like a conversation, not a high school essay. If you swear in real life, a cheeky swear won’t hurt here. If you’re sentimental, let yourself get soppy. Practice, yes. Memorise, no. Reading word-for-word makes you sound like Siri.

Quick Cheatsheet (for when panic hits):

1. Hook them early – a funny or heartfelt opening line.

2. One or two stories – keep it punchy, not a memoir.

3. Something about their love – what makes them work as a couple.

4. End with a toast – simple, meaningful, and uniquely them.

Weddings are already bursting with emotion, champagne, and slightly uncomfortable shoes. Your speech is a gift – not just to the couple, but to everyone listening.

Make it you, make it heartfelt, and above all, make it interesting.