How to Plan a Wedding When You Don’t Want to Be the Centre of Attention

Not everyone dreams of walking down the aisle with hundreds of eyes glued to them. For some couples, the idea of being the show feels… well, terrifying. And that’s totally okay. You can absolutely have a meaningful, joy-filled wedding without feeling like you’re performing for a crowd.

Here’s how to plan a wedding when you don’t want to be the centre of attention -

A day that feels comfortable, authentic, and love-soaked — without the stage fright.

1. Keep it small (or keep it chill)

If the thought of a big wedding makes your palms sweat, consider trimming the guest list or hosting something more low-key. Think Flash Romantics (affordable micro-weddings with tattoos) a backyard ceremony, brunch wedding, or an intimate dinner party with your favourite people. Fewer guests = less pressure to “perform.”

If you’ve got a big family or friend group who’ll riot if they’re not invited, consider a “secret ceremony” followed by a casual party later — you can arrive already married and skip the aisle moment altogether. The first rule of eloping, is not to tell anyone you're eloping ('til after)

2. Ditch the traditions that make you cringe

You don’t have to do any of the classic moments if they make you uncomfortable. No grand entrance? Fine. No first dance? Totally fine. You can swap speeches for casual toasts, walk in together (or not at all), and keep your ceremony short, sweet, and focused on connection rather than performance. There are plenty of fun, performing, celebrants (hi ;-) who can help take the attention off you. Remember, “non-traditional” doesn’t mean “less meaningful.” It means more you.

3. Choose a celebrant who gets your vibe

If being centre stage isn’t your jam, your celebrant can help you create a ceremony that feels relaxed and natural — not like you’re acting in a rom-com. I often tell my couples: “Let me do the talking, you two just do the loving.” A good celebrant will know how to guide the crowd’s attention away from you when needed, keep the energy warm, and make the ceremony feel like a shared experience rather than a spotlight moment. Also, I do Dolly Parton drag... She's rather comfy being the centre of attention lol.

4. Create comfort through structure

Little things can help calm the nerves. Have a clear plan for where you’ll stand, what you’ll do with your hands, and how to make each moment flow easily. If you’re nervous, build in pauses — time for a laugh, a deep breath, or a sip of bubbles before the next bit.

Rehearsals can be magic for this too. Familiarity breeds confidence.

5. Make your guests part of it

Instead of having all eyes on you, get everyone involved. Invite them to make a group vow, cheer during your kiss, or sign a communal keepsake. When your guests feel included, it shifts the energy from watching to celebrating.

6. Focus on connection, not performance

When it’s all stripped back, your wedding day isn’t about being seen — it’s about being felt. Forget how it looks. Lean into how it feels. Look at each other, not the crowd. Hold hands. Laugh. Cry. Whisper rude jokes under your breath if that’s your style. Ask the Celebrant to go unplugged for the vows (no microphone)

Because when the pressure to “perform” disappears, what’s left is pure, beautiful, unfiltered love — and that’s what everyone’s really there for.

Final word

You don’t have to be the star of the show to have an incredible wedding. You just have to be you. Whether it’s two people under a gum tree with a handful of mates, or a backyard fiesta where your dog/s steals the show — your day should feel like your love: calm, honest, and real.

Hit me up for a no obligations Zoom chat and we can workshop some ideas and see how it feels!